**ANNOUNCEMENT**
Johnny B. has written a counter-testimony in which he explains his side of the story. It's a very refreshing and funny look "behind the curtain." It will go up tomorrow--same time, same place! About two years ago, my friend, Brie, and I decided that we were tired of mixed signals and random make-out sessions gone wrong—there needed to be rules to ensure no more girls (or guys) lost their heads reading more into a simple make-out sesh than was really there. We nominated ourselves the High Commissioners of RMOS protocol and devised a handbook for the education and betterment of singletons everywhere.
**Any similarities between Rule #1, its Amendments and Fight Club are purely coincidental. Many thanks to Brie’s summer job at an unnamed law firm for providing some of our inspiration and most of our vocabulary. Please note that the following rules are meant to be read with your tongue firmly placed in your cheek. If you do decide to take this handbook seriously, we, the High Commissioners of RMOS protocol, remind you to please RMOS responsibly.**
Rule #1:
You may not, under any circumstances, tell a single person about the random make-out sessions (henceforth known as RMOS)
The 1st Amendment to Rule #1
You may tell one person, known to both parties as the “Best Friend,” about the RMOS
The 2nd Amendment to Rule #1
If someone guesses that RMOSs are taking place between the two parties prior to disclosure to the “Best Friend,” that person takes precedence and the “Best Friend” in the first amendment is thus replaced.
The 3rd Amendment to Rule #1
An RMOS participant may tell someone other than the “Best Friend” about the RMOS arrangement as long as the third party bears no affiliation to the core group of friends surrounding the RMOS participants and/or has never met the male or female RMOS counterpart.
Rule #2:
You may not directly reference the RMOS in person, through email, snail mail, by phone or by text.
Rule #2A
Even if you KNOW an RMOS is likely to take place at a given time, you STILL do not talk about it beforehand.
Rule #3:
You NEVER call or text after an RMOS to say that you had fun during the aforementioned RMOS.
Rule #3A
“Cute Coupley Crap,” which includes, but is not limited to, hand-holding, hair-stroking, and pet-naming, is not permitted after the RMOS has reached its conclusion.
Rule #4:
If you have not had an RMOS in one year (twelve months time) then you no longer have the right to an RMOS, unless a verbal extension agreement is reached by both parties (which is in direct violation of Rule #2 and/or Rule #2A).
Rule #5
It should be noted that the female participant in the RMOS will not cross county lines for RMOS purposes because that is just slutty.
Rules 6-8, otherwise known as the "Gremlin Rules"
- Never get them wet (i.e. showers at the residence of an RMOS participant if the place of residence is not the place of residence of the party in question are strictly forbidden)
- Keep them away from sunlight (i.e. RMOSs should never take place during daylight hours)
- Never feed them after midnight (i.e. participants in an RMOS should never share a meal or snack, unless the food in question is pivotal to the RMOS itself, between the hours of midnight and dawn)
Rule #9:
Participants in an RMOS should never complete a REM cycle in the presence of another RMOS participant.
Rule #10:
A single RMOS should not last longer than six hours, excluding travel time and pre-RMOS set-up.
And lastly, the Golden RMOS Rule that may never, under any circumstances, be violated:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
How did I NOT know about the Twitter feed???
ReplyDeleteduh debra. it just started.
ReplyDeleteMemorandum of Understanding
ReplyDeleteRe: Random Make Out Session (RMOS)
Thru: Commentator Mark's Division.
For: All participants of RMOS.
Rule #1:
You may not, under any circumstances, tell a single person about the random make-out sessions (henceforth known as RMOS)
The 1st Amendment to Rule #1
You may tell one person, known to both parties as the “Best Friend,” about the RMOS
(Amendment to 1st Amendment to Rule #1: The male party is authorized to imply a single level of intimacy higher then actually achieved, while the female party is authorized to imply up to two levels lower then actually achieved, especially when in breach of Rule 5.)
The 2nd Amendment to Rule #1
If someone guesses that RMOSs are taking place between the two parties prior to disclosure to the “Best Friend,” that person takes precedence and the “Best Friend” in the first amendment is thus replaced.
(Amendment to 2nd Amendment to Rule #1: The aforementioned mutual "Best Friend" may be receive full disclosure when the RMOSee feels the RMOSer is about to try "take things to next level" and thus violating the current mutually approved Memorandum of Understanding.)
The 3rd Amendment to Rule #1
An RMOS participant may tell someone other than the “Best Friend” about the RMOS arrangement as long as the third party bears no affiliation to the core group of friends surrounding the RMOS participants and/or has never met the male or female RMOS counterpart.
Rule #2:
You may not directly reference the RMOS in person, through email, snail mail, by phone or by text.
(Amendment to Rule #2: A euphemism will be considered a direct reference after two consistent uses for the expressed purposes of setting up a RMOS.)
Rule #2A
Even if you KNOW an RMOS is likely to take place at a given time, you STILL do not talk about it beforehand.
Rule #2B
When you KNOW a RMOS is likely to occur increased personal grooming is authorized and encouraged.
Rule #3:
You NEVER call or text after an RMOS to say that you had fun during the aforementioned RMOS.
(Corollary to Rule #3: It is inappropriate to to call or text about any another girl/boy you met during the set up or conclusion of the RMOS.)
Rule #3A
“Cute Coupley Crap,” which includes, but is not limited to, hand-holding, hair-stroking, and pet-naming, is not permitted after the RMOS has reached its conclusion.
(Exemption to Rule #3A: For the limited duration of when a RMOSee/er is being hit on by a current RANDO and requires assistance to successfully vacate the immediate scene, "Cute Coupley Crap" may be used to dissuade said RANDO.)
Rule #4:
If you have not had an RMOS in one year (twelve months time) then you no longer have the right to an RMOS, unless a verbal extension agreement is reached by both parties (which is in direct violation of Rule #2 and/or Rule #2A).
(Clarification of Rule #4: That is 365 calendar days from the morning of the last RMOS.)
Rule #5
ReplyDeleteIt should be noted that the female participant in the RMOS will not cross county lines for RMOS purposes because that is just slutty.
(Exemption for Rule #5: The RMOSee has been out of the country for more then six months.)
Rules 6-8, otherwise known as the "Gremlin Rules"
Never get them wet (i.e. showers at the residence of an RMOS participant if the place of residence is not the place of residence of the party in question are strictly forbidden)
Keep them away from sunlight (i.e. RMOSs should never take place during daylight hours)
Never feed them after midnight (i.e. participants in an RMOS should never share a meal or snack, unless the food in question is pivotal to the RMOS itself, between the hours of midnight and dawn)
Rule #9:
Participants in an RMOS should never complete a REM cycle in the presence of another RMOS participant.
(Clarification of Rule #9: Passing out on the floor with at least one other person in the room other then the RMOSee no longer constitutes the sole presence of a RMOS participant and therefore is acceptable.
Rule #10:
A single RMOS should not last longer than six hours, excluding travel time and pre-RMOS set-up.
And lastly, the Golden RMOS Rule that may never, under any circumstances, be violated:
If you try to "take things to next level" you will forfeit forthwith all RMOS privileges until further review of your case may be made by the offended party and the "mutual best friend."
Concured by the "Commentor Mark" subsituent on 30 JUN 11.
Rule #11:
ReplyDeleteNo matter how close you are to him, Matt never wants to hear about your RMOS. Violation of this rule will result in Matt relentlessly verbally assaulting and making seemingly benign comments, while in the presence of others, that allude to your RMOS. You will also live in the uncertainty of when and where Matt will reveal your RMOS to your circle of friends. Rest assured it will happen at the most devastatingly possible time. This usually involves an optimum mixture of both parties of the RMOS, their families, and closest friends in an otherwise wonderful social gathering.
LOL @ #9 & #10. What's wrong with RMOS in the daylight, btw?
ReplyDelete-Caroline
As high commissioner of RMOS protocol I must say we might need to revise the handbook and add some of Mark's additions...
ReplyDelete