Monday, June 20, 2011

It's all about bucks, kid. The rest is conversation.

I have to say, I totally thought more people would comment on that last post, but thanks to those of you who did! My opinion on chatting up a girl at a bar is this: you’re running on a slippery slope. One the one hand, you want to be confident, because I think most women agree that confident men are attractive, but at the same time, you don’t want to turn her off by acting like she should be grateful you’re over there, gracing her with your presence and conversation. I also think that pick up lines are always cheesy, and paint you as more than slightly sketchy. But that may just be me…
I was in full-on hermit mode this week, and spent most of my days holed up in my apartment, enjoying the central air and watching every episode of "White Collar" there is (Matt Bomer’s adorable 1940’s flair has officially ensured his show as my new summer obsession)—needless to say, I didn’t meet very many randos for today’s post, and considering the sheer number of hours I spent at home, it would be weird if I did (house-stalking is cute when you’re a teenager, but at this point, it’s considered a bit weird).

I do want to give a shout-out to Non-Rando Ryan, whom my friends and I ran into at Pub Fiction last night when we commandeered his table to watch the Aggies. Over the course of our conversation, we found out that he had actually read my blog. My response?

Me: You’re shitting me.

I have no idea how he found this, and he doesn’t remember, but on the off-chance you’re reading this at work, Ryan, while you should be doing something productive, thanks for putting up with us last night! It was a pleasure meeting you and good luck in Austin.

Since I fell down on the job this past week, I shall have to pull from past R.E.’s for today’s tale.

I moved downtown last summer, and consequently started going to more Aggie Happy Hours since I no longer had to drive 30 minutes to get to midtown. Last September, there was a H.H. at the House of Blues, where I met up with the usual suspects (a.k.a. Jeni and Debra). We were minding our own business, drinking some wine, when this guy sidles up to me and starts to chat.

Unfortunately, I don’t remember his opening line, but I do remember Jen and Deb abandoned me, so I was left to chat with the cuff link-wearing, commercial real estate broker, Mr. Slick, who clearly thought he was doing me a favor engaging me in the following, scintillating conversation.

Him: So...what do you do?

Me: I’m a teacher.

Him: A teacher? Wow. So you must be looking for a rich husband. I’m in commercial real estate. I make a lot of money. I own at least twenty of these blue shirts with contrasting collar and cuffs and Gordon Gekko is my hero (Okay, I’m taking some liberties here, but the sentiment was the same).

Me: Well, I mean, money isn’t everything.

Him: No. But it’s important, wouldn’t you agree? (Greed is good!)

Me: To an extent, but I don’t think it’s the most important thing.

Him: Right. So, do you like to travel?

Me: Yeah, I do. I’ve been all over Europe—I actually spent a semester abroad in Tuscany my junior year.

Him: Tuscany…that’s in Spain, right?

Me (incredulously): …no.

Him: Well, uh, I haven’t really been around the Mediterranean much, but I just went on this fantastic trip to Sweden and Brazil.

Me: That’s cool. Kind of random to hit two continents at once, but cool.

Him: Yeah. It was. You know what they say about Brazilian women? It’s totally true. American women don’t have nothing on them.

Me: …really?

After a few more minutes of him insulting me (still unsure if he was doing it on purpose, or if he was just that much of an imbecile), I managed to shake him off and successfully avoid him for the rest of the evening.


  1. E,

    So this guy clearly doesn't get it. He violated all kinds of etiquette and was only looking for a one night stand. We've heard her reaction to his ridiculousness, now guys let us monday morning quarterback this thing and see how we can stop from being one more rando in a wide world of Es.

    1st the approach. He came over with a lame and apparently forgettable one liner. Instant fail. Come on guys, if you get the courage to walk over to the girl don't screw it up in the first sentence. A very simple, hi or hello goes a long way to breaking the ice.

    So E is out with her girls, and all of the sudden she has been picked off from the herd and backed into the corner...what is anyone's immediate reaction to something like this going to be: defensive, which means instant rando labeling.. Guys engage the group for a minute. It's ok to get to know everyone. When the group establishes you are not some cufflink wearing, facy shirt talk abouter, rando, then you can transition to a more private conversation where you can ask for her number.

    Instead, this guy, once he has you in his sights, all he can do is talk about himself. Fellas, she did not go to the bar to get lectured at. She gets enough of that in class or from her boss. Guys, this is not hard. People (men or women) love talking about themselves (as we see with this guy,) but most people are not interested in listening (as it was with this girl.) Soooo, flip it around, let her do the talking. That doesn't mean be shy and creepy. It means ask open ended questions that allow her to talk as much as she may want, allowing our socially awkward y chromosome to simply node and smile, but come off as a great listener who 'gets' her.

    I'm not even going to touch the money thing...that's a whole other comment to itself.

    After his abortion of a conversation, E writes that she found yourself running from him. The more a person latches on the faster she'll run. Ask for some contact info (email, phone, etc...) and get the hell out. You're in this for the long hull, not a one night stand. Do not think because she gave you a number she wants to sleep with you that night ( a girl built for speed might, but we're looking for a lady of class.) So folks, you know that high you get because you got a number and you start thinking about apples and boston, yeah, it can only go down hill from there. So walk away. Leave something to talk about at your next date...that we've learned you should totally call, not txt, and do that more then 24 hours in advance. ; )



  2. I'm not sure E, this Mark guy may have out written you! I call for Mark to become a guest blogger if for NOTHING more than we will find out who he is!

    I would like to apologize to my dear friend E, as she mentioned Jeni & I totally ditched her, but hey, the guy was total scum and we saw a way out and took it. In our defense, she can handle herself & we knew there was no WAY this was going anywhere....and hey, it turned out to be a funny story! Wins all around....well except for E.


  3. Took the wine and ran!

    Good and succinct thoughts, Mark.

    And the money thing? What does this guy think he is... made of gold? NEXT!