Monday, June 13, 2011

Rando Roundup!

Today begins a segment I like to call the "Rando Roundup" in which I recap my rando encounters of the week. The randos were out in full-force this week, foisting awkward conversations and alcoholic beverages upon me with reckless abandon. My top three, in no particular order.

Spotted: Unnamed pair of Randos at Yard House
My friend, Brie, and I were out having drinks and some really delicious lobster, crab and artichoke dip (Really, how could you go wrong with those three ingredients? I was licking the bowl clean, no lie), and I noticed these two guys a few tables over sneaking glances in our direction. I pointed them out to Brie (subtly, of course, with some vigorous head jerking and a hissed “randos at twelve o’clock”), and said that they were either super into whatever was playing on the TV above our heads, or they were checking us out. We pretty much forgot about them as we dissected a friend’s latest romantic entanglement and continued to gorge ourselves on Yard House’s delicious, half-price appetizers.

After about an hour and a half, we were ready to call it a night. We paid our check and were literally about to get up to walk out the door when our waiter brought over another martini for Brie, and another pint for me.

“Compliments of the gentlemen over there,” he said, with a nod of his head in their general direction.

To say that Brie and I were taken aback is an understatement. We were flabbergasted. Our first thought was, “This actually happens in real life?” Our second was, “Well, crap. What do we do now?”

Unsure of the protocol following complete strangers sending you a round, we phoned a friend, who assured us all that we had to do was sit there and look pretty. I had already made eyes at the randos, which should have been all the invitation they needed to come over and talk to us.

They didn’t, and twenty minutes later (after I’d forced myself to drink half of my Apricot Ale…I was full of crab), they still hadn’t. Brie and I were at a loss. We wanted to leave, but we didn’t want to walk past the guys on our way out, because we would feel the need to stop and chat, but also felt that the window for non-awkward conversation had closed. At the same time, I didn’t want to be totally rude, so we compromised. I scribbled a little note of thanks and left it on our table in good faith that our waiter would get it to them, and then we snuck out the side door.

Spotted: Unnamed Rando at Niko Niko’s
If you live in Houston and haven’t been to Niko Niko’s yet, shame on you. You must remedy this immediately and order, at the very least, one of their Greek salads which comes with a slab of Feta on top (again, how can you go wrong with anything that has a slab of Feta on top?!), and maybe you’ll meet the guy I met there last week, who apparently loiters in front of the drink fountain and blocks you from getting a glass of water.

Me (after waiting a respectable number of seconds): So, are you just going to stand there or what?

Rando (eying me up and down): If you say you’re not married, I’ll stand here for even longer.

Me: Hahahahaha. Ha.

Spotted: Rando Tyler at PubFiction
I don’t know what it is about PubFiction, but it has become a Mecca for randos. My friends and I were dancing on the infinitesimal “dance floor,” when we noticed a pack of randos who were clearly discussing a game plan. Soon thereafter, one of them came to me and asked me to dance, which is when I found out that he was a Longhorn (hisssss) and newly twenty-one (awwww). I told him that I was an Aggie (and twenty-four) and therefore could no longer talk to him; he kept insisting that I had to admit, he was a pretty good dancer for a Longhorn (he wasn’t), and bought me another Bud. Poor Rando Tyler finally got the picture when my friends and I adjourned to the bathroom for an extended period of time and returned to a different part of the bar, but they found us again after last call, when they soothed their bruised egos by cattily asking why we weren’t married yet—after all, we were Aggies, and doesn’t the university require female students to have an engagement ring at the very least before they’re allowed to walk the stage?

Classy, Rando Tyler and posse, real classy.

This concludes this week’s Rando Roundup. Be sure to check back tomorrow for “Story time with Elise!”


  1. Just bat your eyes and flip your hair Elise....that's all you have to do!