Friday, June 17, 2011

How Not to Lose the Girl BEFORE the Date

**Please pardon my franglais in the following post—while it is true that I’ve studied French for..about seven years—I’m afraid my grasp of the language is limited to reading the back of shampoo bottles and the occasional viewing of Amelie sans subtitles.

Happy Friday! Today’s tip was inspired by our friends, the Yard House Randos, who reminded me of some other guys I met in Paris a few years ago.

How to Ensure a Second Date (or Meeting): Tip #2

Make your mark, make your move.

This is the portion of the evening when you need to grow a pair. Take the initiative and here’s the important part, take it early, and then follow through.

When I was in Paris for spring break a few years ago, my friend, Sandra, really wanted to go salsa dancing at the best salsa club in Paris—which happened to be in the back room of an Irish pub in Pigalle named O’Sullivans.

Sidebar: Yes, we went salsa dancing at an Irish pub in Paris. I am aware this is nonsensical.

It was the night before St Patrick’s Day, and we walked in early for the little tutorial session before the club really got started. I bowed out quickly (as I’ve said before, I’m not very coordinated, and strangers don’t seem to find my dancing ineptitude nearly as endearing as my friends do), and sat back to watch. At some point, we managed to convince a few of our guy friends from the study center to come meet us (I believe we promised them copious amounts of Guinness for their trouble).

We had a great time with the guys, but I couldn’t help but notice these two French guys who kept staring over at our table. I assumed that they knew we were American, as we were loudly speaking English, and so, naturally, hated us, which would explain the slight stink eye (qui crève les yeux, en français).

I ignored them as best as I could. At closing time, however, as we were getting up to leave, they came over and helped me with my coat.

Rando Frenchie #1: Tu es très mignonne.

Me : Quoi (What ) ?

RF #1 : Parlez-vous français (Do you speak French) ?

Me : Oui, un peu… (Yes, a little…)

RF #1 (plus lentement/more slowly) : Tu es très mignonne.

Me : Quoi ?

RF #1 (gives up) : You are very cute.

Me (taken aback): Oh. Um, thanks! But, I gotta go, my friends and I are leaving now…ciao!

And that was the end of it. If Rando Frenchies one and two had manned up and come over earlier to exchange some witty French banter, who knows…maybe I’d be an ex-Pat now. But they waited until the last minute and so did not get the worm, a.k.a. me.

So you men out there—waste not, want not. Grow some « couilles » and go talk to the girl before it’s too late. Bonne chance!


  1. Amen!! Just go for it. The worst that can happen is she will say no.


  2. E,

    So I'm confused, what's the difference btwn a "Rando," whom you complain about, and a dude who had the nerve to talk to you who might be your undiscovered soul mate?

    (3 deg. of separation on FB.)

  3. Mark,
    Thanks for reading. Your question is a good one! I would say that a Rando is generally defined as an overly cocky man, usually, though not always, encountered in a bar setting under varying degrees of alcoholic influence. Naturally, the Rando is unknown to the subject, and the subject never sees said Rando again after their brief time together. Rando encounters come in all shapes and forms—some are cute and innocent (like the Frenchie Randos from today’s post), some are just plain funny (such as Rando Dave’s confusion over why a perfect stranger wouldn’t make out with him, just because he asked), some are awkward and uncomfortable (like the guy I met at my pool who was at least fifteen years older than me and stared openly at my breasts)…the list goes on. Your point about missing a potential soul mate is well-taken—it takes guts to go up to anyone in this type of setting and try to strike up a conversation. However, it is my hope that my soul mate doesn’t approach me in a bar and proposition me, but if that is the case, I hope that he would show more persistence, and perhaps better judgment in regards to his opening line. I do believe that first-impressions can be overcome, particularly if they’re meant to be. My sister, for instance, was dead-set against ever going out with the man who came to be her husband. She was convinced that they had nothing in common and never would, but he didn’t give up (though he wasn’t annoying or creepy about it…he didn’t call her ten times a day or chain himself to her balcony), and he kept on quietly pursuing her for months. She saw the light eventually, and now they’ve been married for seven years with one little girl and two more on the way.
    I hope that answers your question!

  4. E,

    Ah, I see...quiet the conundrum. On the one hand, it can take a fair amount of liquid courage to walk over and finally talk to you, but on the other 'ode to hops' is not the best cologne for a first impression. What's a girl to do? :) In our ultra feministic, the sexes are totally equal, chivary is dead, times have you ever braved the long mile to a new guy across the bar, despite fear of rejection and perhaps your sober better judgement, to start a conversation? I wonder, has the shoe ever been on the other foot?

    Have you ever played Rando to someone else's "E?" ; ) now that would be an interesting story. :D

    3 Deg FB

    "Those who can write, blog, those who can't comment."

  5. Mark,
    I confess I can't recall a specific circumstance when I've approached someone in that way at a bar or happy I detect a challenge?
    I can tell you though, I have put myself on the line with a guy in other ways, and been rejected more times than most (with varying degrees of embarassment and hilarity, of course). Perhaps I should move a few of those stories up my list for your enjoyment :)
    As always, thanks for the feedback!